Tips to Avoid Burnout as a SAHM

The dog days of summer are when inklings of motherhood burnout can start creeping in quickly- just like those bugs that all the summer rain brings.  If you have little kids, they are constantly looking for the next great activity or game or book.  I imagine older kids are just filling the house with their angst and body odor, but I can’t really attest to that (yet). 

As a stay at home mom still observing pretty strict quarantine recommendations, it can be overwhelming.  Finding time for self care is reserved for stolen minutes when the kids are napping or post bedtime when I am exhausted from the day. 

This is a recipe for burnout - a complete state of exhaustion caused by an inability to meet constant demands.  And let me tell ya, those kids can be demanding! 

Just last week, I was consumed by anxiety and exhaustion. It started as physical exhaustion and thinking that I just needed a nap. Then it progressed into mental fogginess and an inability to concentrate. The last straw was when my 4 year old came out from his nap and asked if I was mad at him. (Cue the rush of mom guilt and tears.)

In moments like this, I think back to my self care checklist to see if there is something I could do. And what do you know?! I had been completely neglecting the things that give me some solace.

After realizing this, I wanted to offer up my list to all my readers in the hope that you too can avoid the symptoms of mom burnout.

---

From my years as a SAHM, this is the list of ways that I have compiled to avoid burnout.  

Find something that challenges you as an individual, not as a mom 

The thing that really gets my mind working is writing and creating content on various platforms.  I also like getting lost in a good book or debating various topics with my husband. 

I have also taken on volunteer leadership roles for nonprofits in an event planning capacity in the past. This is a great way to build up your resume if you plan on going back to work in the future. (Check out this post about staying relevant to corporate America as a SAHM for more tips.)

Embrace help 

This one is also hard since we are still limiting the people who come into our home.  I know that it can feel like a failure to say that you need help to care for the family that you created, but everyone needs a break.  

I rarely let an offer by someone to pick up my grocery order or take out dinner go by without taking advantage of it. Just remember to return the favor when you can. 

Exercise 

As I have aged (did I really just say that?), I’ve realized that exercise is as much for my mental health as my physical. It isn’t always easy to find the time, but I have to prioritize it or I notice a mental decline within a few days.  Science, man. 

I am still not comfortable going to the gym yet, but I have made do with an exercise mat and a set of adjustable weights in my garage.  I’ve also been running or riding a bike to get my heart rate up. 

And in the last few weeks, yard work has become a workout.  The transformation is complete - I have become my parents. I keep in mind that this is a great way to break a sweat, but working in the yard is not going to reap the same benefits as a true workout session.

Look forward to something weekly - have a goal to make it to that event 

I have explained before how my husband and I have a weekly routine to check in on the things that we prioritize.  One of my favorite days of the week is Tuesday - Treat Yo Self Tuesday.  When I have enough energy, I like to paint my nails and work on my blog.  On the other hand, there have been plenty of times when I am just too tired, so I turn on Schitt’s Creek and eat some cake.  I don’t feel like I’m neglecting my husband because alone time is scheduled. 

Talk to your partner when you feel it coming, talk to a mental health professional if needed 

Just like Tuesday is dedicated to self care, Wednesday is dedicated to our mutual brain dump.  We talk about our relationship, parenting, work, and what kind of help we need.  This has proven to be a great way to stay ahead of the burnout.  When we feel something creeping up, we talk about it before it gets blown into a big deal. 

If you don’t have a supportive partner, speak to a mental health professional.  Talkspace is an app that assesses you, matches you with a mental health provider, and then you can schedule therapy.  Buyer beware - it is not free but insurance coverage appears to be an option. 

Quarterly mental health holiday 

Recently, we instituted mental health holidays where we can take as long as we need (up to a full weekend) to get away.  I’m planning on heading to our beach condo for the weekend soon as a way to recover from mom burnout, and my husband will likely take his laptop and go work on stuff for a full day (apparently that is what his version of a mental break looks like).  The other parent handles the home and kids and leaves the retreater alone. And when the retreater arrives home, there is not resentment since it was previously agreed upon.

---

These 6 things have kept me ahead of burnout when I make sure to do them.  Before instituting all of these regularly, I was feeling burnt out nearly weekly.  Hey, 3 kids aint no joke!   

The two biggest keys here are honesty and communication.  Assessing my mental health and recognizing that I’m on the brink of burnout is vital.  Knowing that I can share that info with my husband without being judged is the next step.  He will usually push me the rest of the way.

---

If you’re unsure if what you’re feeling could be burnout, check out this quiz and some more great tips to recovering from mom burnout!

How I Reset My Routine to Feel More Fulfilled

As a stay at home parent, it can be hard to find personal fulfillment - something outside of parenting or relationship fulfillment. It can also be hard to realize that you aren’t personally fulfilled until you see someone who is to the tenth degree.

Enter Dan Levy.

The other day when I was resting after an allergy attack, I watched the behind the scenes special of Schitt’s Creek. The special went into detail about how depicting LGBTQ characters in such a positive way had inspired millions of people and their parents to treat the LGBTQ community with compassion. As I watched the tears fall down Levy’s face at hearing this, I saw the most beautiful representation of fulfillment. Something that he had created and loved as his own baby had inspired the world.

Now, I don’t anticipate anything I will do will have an impact anywhere near that volume, but why not try? I realized that I wanted to do two things:

1. Create something

2. Inspire others

The struggle was when in the world will I have time for such a lofty goal. Luckily, this realization came to me on a Wednesday which is when my husband and I schedule a big brain dump. I was able to unload all this information on him that night, and he was incredibly supportive. He asked me how we can make that happen, and he suggested identifying how to make these changes on the short term and the long term.

---

Here’s the process that we went through. It can be translated to your circumstance once you identify what you want or need to feel personally fulfilled.

Step One

Of course, identify that you are not 100% happy with your circumstances and determine what will make you feel fulfilled as an individual not as a parent, spouse, etc.

Step Two

Consider how you can make this happen in the short term - the quick fix. For me, I needed to find a way to have more time for personal creativity. I am creative all day with conflict resolution between the kids and songs that I make up and crafts but none of that really fills my cup in the same way.

My husband offered that I take the early morning - the first two hours of my day (each day) as creative personal time.

Step Three

Equipped with the luxury of nearly two hours daily (WHAT?!) to make this happen, I had to develop systems to make the most of it. Taking this time limits time spent with family so I want to capitalize on it. My favorite organization tools to make good use of my time are:

• Sticky notes

• Golden Coil planner

• Coffee

• A lined notebook

• Le pen pens

• Google Keep

• Google Calendar

• Trello

Step Four

With the time and tools mentioned above, I am now tasked with identifying what tangibles I want to create. As a reminder, my goals are to create something and inspire. As I already have this blog as a creative outlet and can constantly be creating content in terms of the written and photographic, that will check the box for creation.

Now, the tricky part is inspiring others. I am still working on what this looks like for me. I know that I have a few gifts/skills that could be helpful to others - mostly busy parents in a season of overwhelm. In addition, part of inspiring others requires ‘others’ - a community. So that is my next step - more on this in the future!

Step Five

Here’s the long term fix. This is again my husband’s idea - I hate it when he’s so damn smart! He suggested quarterly mental health holidays for each of us. We are lucky to be within driving distance of a family beach house so we have a location to which we can easily escape. This will be a two day personal retreat every quarter during which time I can work on whatever I want or need without feeling guilty about leaving my motherhood duties in the proverbial dust.

Step Six

All of this is such a luxury - having an insanely supportive partner who wants the best for me and is willing to sacrifice his own time and sanity to make it happen, having a beach house nearby at zero cost to which we can escape, and having the tools to work on this. This fact is not lost on me. Practicing gratitude in all of this is essential to my mental health.

---

That’s the game plan. After having written this down, it seems silly that I have to write an article on how to find fulfillment as a stay at home parent. However, now more than ever I think parents with more traditional, out of the house careers, are able to see first hand how all consuming and exhausting it is to be ‘Mom’ 24/7. It is simple to get lost in the whirlwind of school time, play time, meal time, and nap time and just collapse into a pile of mush at the end of the day never realizing that you didn’t do a damn thing for yourself all day. Realizing this and tackling it before you lose yourself is the first step to personal fulfillment.

How I'm Chilling Out During a Period of Overwhelm

There’s no easy way to do this pandemic. Everything seems harder with the weight of the [health of] the world riding on our shoulders. Within the last two weeks, I have had to make noticeable effort to calm myself when everything just seems too heavy.

Here are 8 ways to help chill out when you need it:

Diversity your podcasts 

I have my all time favorite podcasts, but they all fall into the same genre - true crime.  Not necessarily the most cheerful.  So recently I have been going on some dates with podcasts.  I choose a new one and find an episode that sparks my interest.  I figure that if an episode on a  topic that sounds interesting to me doesn’t leave me wanting a second date, no episode will.  So far I have found new podcasts that fall into these genres - advice, true crime, and comedy and business.  This way, regardless of the mood I’m in, I have something to which I can listen. 

Carve out weekly quiet time

Quiet time is a prized possession when you have kids, so you have to make the most of it.  As I have said many times, we do ‘treat yo self Tuesdays’ so I know that on Tuesdays I can anticipate some ‘me time’.  I make sure that my coziest loungewear and blanket are clean. I’ve also started having warm tea or lemon water as well as a face mask at the ready.  

My husband’s version of quiet time usually includes taking one of the many free courses available currently from Harvard University with a glass of whiskey. 

He’s more Ron Swanson. I’m more Tom Haverford. 

Meditate/mindfulness 

Let me start with an anecdote.  When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I took a birthing class that had a segment on breathing during labor.  I literally rolled my eyes through the whole thing, while he mastered the breathing.  I’ve since realized that I’m just stubborn and don’t like being told how to calm myself down.  

I had approached meditation very similarly when it was suggested as a way to tame my anxiety - I truly despise being told how to calm my anxiety by someone who has never felt anxiety in the least bit. But, desperate times call for desperate measures! 

I downloaded several apps for guided meditations and WOW.  I have started taking time mid-day when all my kids are resting to mediate using the free app, Insight Timer.  It has made a difference in the way I react to stressful situations. I also find that once I get up from my session, I am more rested than I would have been had I taken a cat nap. 

If a full guided meditation isn’t realistic, Breathe Mama, Breathe is a great book to read for tips to inject mindful awareness into your day to day movements. 

Have a cocktail 

Ever since one fateful night during my freshman year of college, I have not been a huge drinker.  However, I have rediscovered my love for a good margarita.  I usually only have one every other night or so, but even that little indulgence helps take the edge off once the kids are down for the night.  

If alcohol isn’t your thing, try cigars.  They have an equally relaxing effect (for me at least). 

Make your shower routine more spa like 

Hot showers have always been my escape.  I carry stress in my shoulders.  Letting hot water run on my shoulder is my poor man’s hot tub.  

Some ways to spruce up your shower routine include adding a body scrub, dimming the lights and lighting a candle, using your most fragrant body wash, or hanging eucalyptus from the shower head.  I am also a fan of Ole Henriksen’s Truth Serum after a simple face wash. It smells like a citrus orchard.

Exercise 

There is a noticeable difference in my mood when I don’t get my body moving at least 3-4 times a week.  Recently I have had to diversify my routine as just running 3 miles has started to become monotonous.  I’ve started alternating cardio days and strength focused workouts. 

I use the OrangeTheory Fitness app for my workouts, but I know that YouTube runneth over with options. 

Watch your sugar intake 

I tend to eat my feelings.  I’m not sure if it is the stress of this global pandemic or just the fact that I am getting older, but I feel sugar weighing me down more than ever.  I also notice those physical manifestations lasting for a day or two after my indulgence.  Jury’s still out on if it is worth it.

Find a passion project and make time for it 

When this all first started, I saw plenty of recommendations to start a new hobby that previously seemed impossible. I scoffed, but I get it now.  

Having something that is all yours to excel at is special.  It’s exciting to watch yourself improving.  I have chosen to put more focus more time on my writing and trying new recipes from the oodles of cookbooks that I rarely crack.  I also set a new goal to run a 5k in 30 minutes.  Obviously with a goal like that I am not a runner, but watching my pace improve from one run to the next gives me something to work on. 

And if you’re short on time, here are some instant mood boosters:

Paint your nails or wear perfume (tips on making your mani last)

Limit your media consumption (I only read three headlines.  I am only allowed to consume media from 8am-8pm. It sounds rigid, but if I go beyond that it is a ripple effect. 

Organize something 

Cook something 

Plan a trip for the (distant) future

Go through your phone and look at pictures and videos of your kids

Choose a spot in your house and shop your house to redecorate it

3 Things I've Learned About Marriage Since Being Quarantined with My Husband

Remember those courting years when you would anxiously await a call or text back from your boyfriend?  When you were so nervous about your dates that you didn’t eat all afternoon and then by the time your date came around you scarfed down a huge burger instead of the salad that you had planned to delicately eat half of?  

Well, shit has changed.  

Now that person is 15 ft away from you at the most.  You overhear their conference calls and he’s the “let’s circle back to this conversation” type.  He also likes to set the AC up really high during the day and eat that last cookie that you’ve been eyeing when he takes his lunch break conveniently timed while you’re putting the kids down for a nap.  

I know it can be hard to cultivate connection when you and your partner become parents.  (Here’s my post on how we maintain our marriage when there isn’t a global pandemic.) But add on the uncertainty of a global pandemic, kids homeschooling, trying to keep up with your personal fitness, etc. and your marriage is likely to fall to the wayside.  

After a few weeks of quarantine with my husband, we noticed that we were both getting on each other’s nerves easily.  Much more easily than before. 

While out on one of my “if I don’t get out of this house soon, I’m gonna lose it” runs, I realized that there are three concepts that I could prioritize to strengthen our marriage now and for the future. 

No one can read minds. 

I got mad at my husband at one point for starting the laundry too soon.  I had planned on washing our son’s sheets first so that they would be ready for his nap, but I never told my husband.  How was he to know? He was doing what he thought was right. He had no clue what my plans were, so I had no right to get irritated. 

Before you blow a gasket, think to yourself, “Am I expecting him to just know XYZ or did I tell him.”  If the answer is that you told him 19 times, by all means blow that gasket away. Otherwise, reconsider. 

Never let open communication halt

In my experience, once you stop talking, things snowball.  Emotions get pent up and at some time everyone reaches a boiling point.  And once you reach that boiling point, a calm and thoughtful conversation is bulldozed by a firestorm of negativity.  Even if the conversations are uncomfortable, keep having them. 

Apologizing is a strength

I am still working through this.  I do not like being wrong. But I am also aware that I have a temper.  And sometimes I let the temper win and say something hurtful. I also tend to overreact.  (Don’t I sound like a fun person to be around?!) I’ve realized that the sooner I realize the fault in my ways and my partner’s motivations for his actions, the sooner we can get back to normal. 

You’re entitled to feel however you’re feeling, but don’t refuse to apologize so that you can “win” the argument.

---

I by no means think that I have the perfect relationship.  But I am an imperfect person in a relationship with an imperfect person during a global pandemic.  We’re choosing to learn and grow together during this time, and prioritizing those three concepts is helping me do that. 

What are you learning about your partner while quarantined?  What is helping your relationship flourish through this time? Share in the comments! 

31 Things I've Learned in 31 Years

Happy Quarantine Birthday to me! Honestly, going out and partying is long gone anyway so trapping my family in my house with me is a great gift! Jury’s still out on what they think about that.

Since we’ve been holed up, I have had plenty of time to think. Think about what I like, who I am, and mostly what I am so grateful for. I wanted to share some of those nuggets with you today in honor of the big 3-1.

---

Your mom is right

No, it’s not just because I am a mom. I can’t tell you how many times I say, “ Huh mom warned me about this.” You don’t have to let her know all the time, but just tuck whatever she says in a back pocket for later.

Make the effort to keep in touch with friends

You won’t realize it when you’re a kid, but those friends who you are so lucky to see everyday are likely going to move away. It’s on you to keep in touch if you want to continue to have their influence in your life. Create a group text now.

Take your vitamins

Everyone’s body is different and absorbs nutrients differently. As you age and especially if you become pregnant, your body will change. Keep taking your vitamins so you at least have a baseline.

Dress how you want to not how everyone else does

I love a good style fad, but you know what I love more? Jean shorts and a tee. So that is what you’ll find me in most of the time.

Study hard

I was a good student. It wasn’t all natural to me, but I worked at it. When I am having a moment of how can I be this dumb, I think back to school and remember I took AP Chem and passed. Barely, but hey!

Be Creative

Write. Draw. Code. Whatever it is, find an outlet to think differently.

Take a course on finances and pay attention

Hopefully, one day kids will learn how to manage finances in school, but until then it is on you.

Don’t quit when you want to

I dabbled in things a lot as a kid - dance, track, math club (what?!). A lot of those things I opted out of after just a short time. In hindsight, I should have pushed harder and seen if I really disliked the activity or if I just disliked having to figure out something new at the risk of looking slow.

Start your skincare routine early

It is the largest organ. Take care of it early to stay ahead of sun damage, wrinkles, etc.

Read more

Still working on this one. I just know that evenings that I end with a book are usually calmer.

Stay active

There are times in your life where the world will seem to be bearing down on you. If you just go for a run outside, it will all come into perspective.

It’s ok to not know your purpose. It will find you.

I lived for 25 years enjoying what I was doing, but never feeling like I had a true calling. Then I had kids and it became clear. For some it might be a job that makes it clear, others it might be a trip. But I’m confident that purpose finds us all when the time is right.

Keep family first

They will come in handy when you have all those kids who need babysitting. Also, they’re pretty ok people.

Don’t compare yourself to others

You’re likely only seeing other people’s highlight reel. Focus on yourself and what you’re capable of.

Lead with kindness

I tell myself this every morning. It is so easy for me to only see the bad, but if I keep repeating this I tend to handle my emotions better.

Not everyone will get your humor

Girl, you funny. If you think so don’t worry if you don’t have the room rolling. Unless that’s your job, then reconsider.

Pay attention to what your body is telling you

I spent years eating scrambled eggs and omelets and not loving them for some reason. They tasted good, but I just wasn’t a fan. I was in college when I finally connected the dots that eggs cooked at a low temperature give me migraines.

Vote

The world is a crazy place. If you don’t do your part crazy people will be in charge.

Get an insurance guy

Our insurance industry is uber confusing. There is no way to understand it all. Find someone who you can trust to know the ins and outs.

Drink water

90% of the time when I am feeling off, it is because I’m dehydrated. Chug, girl.

Don’t waste time being timid

I often think that my ideas aren’t good enough. Who cares? What matters is the effort. You’re bound to have a few good ideas. Share them. Make your voice known.

All wine is the same

Get the boxed stuff. Cheaper and tastes the same.

Try to overcome fear

I have a nearly debilitating fear of flying. I know that it has gotten in the way of great adventures. I’m working on it.

Don’t beat yourself up

I am my harshest critic. I think. And overthink. And spin in circles. It just wastes time.

Stay out of the sun

Have I even seen myself before? There’s no hope to tanning this skin. Get familiar with self tanner. Far less likely to give you cancer.

Don’t make assumptions

Speak candidly and ask others to do the same. For most arguments or confrontations, effective communication is the key.

Have confidence

In high school I used to worry so much about my appearance. Now I look back and think DAMN I was cute! I know that 50 year old me will do the same when I look back at me now. So skip the shitty part and just start thinking DAMN I’M CUTE now.

Volunteer

Find a cause that speaks to you and fight for it.

Being a good leader doesn’t make you pushy

When I lead a team, I am 100%. I am organized, scheduled, and persistent. If a man leads the same way, they are praised. Don’t worry if others don’t care for it. Get the job done and let the end result be the proof of your hard work.

Forgive

I am the master at holding grudges. But it means nothing. It just creates a cloud that follows you and that relationship.

Recycle

I worry about the world that my children will inherit. I want them to see all the beauty that I have seen, but it starts at home. Take care of the earth and let the kids see you doing it.

---

Ferris said it best, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”

Thank You Printable Post Cards for Delivery Drivers

How I'm Prioritizing My Marriage This Year

Let me start by saying that my husband came up with this idea. He’s the brains here. I am just writing about it.

Now that that nonsense is out of the way, let’s get down to it. Marriage is hard enough. People grow and change, and people growing and changing at the same pace and towards the same endpoint is extremely difficult to maintain on its own. Throw a gaggle of children in the mix, and it becomes ten times harder.

Towards the end of last year, we were brainstorming goals. One of those goals was to maintain and hopefully strengthen our marriage. Idea wise that sounds great, but we had to figure out a way to execute it.

Our first step was to sit down and have an open conservation about where we are now - our starting point. We discussed our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles, and the things that we care about both as a couple and individually. This alone is a great exercise to do with your partner. Grab a glass of wine and talk about the big stuff.

From this discussion, we learned plenty about ourselves, our partner’s perspective on things, and our relationship. Our big takeaways were that we need to dedicate time to sitting down and communicating effectively more often, we enjoy our alone time, and we value the time that we get to spend together, with our immediate family, and with our extended family more than anything. We also learned that our biggest stressor was money - what we have, what we want to do with it, planning for the future, investments, budgets, all of it.

---

With this information in hand, a plan was hatched. Each day of the week is now dedicated to one of our big takeaways. Our week now looks like this….

Sunday Suppers

We are beyond blessed to have all our children’s grandparents within a ten minute drive of us. We know this is a luxury that so many don’t have, and we don’t want to waste it. We started inviting all the grandparents over for dinners on Sunday. The kids have a ball, we enjoy a great meal, and we get to spend time with our special people.

Money Monday

Nothing says “Ugh, its Monday” like having a budget meeting amiright?! It’s our biggest stressor, so it got its own day. Over the weekend, I update our budget and gather up all the things that we have upcoming that will cost us. My husband brings any updates about investments, business, etc. Honestly, having a conversation like this weekly has really helped minimize my stress. I know where we stand, what we are working towards, and how we will get there.

Treat Yo Self Tuesday

I especially enjoy alone time - hey introverts! I usually take this time to catch up on writing, paint my nails, or honestly go to bed early. We have found that if we are on top of each other constantly, we argue more. This gives us a nice little buffer when needed.

Hump Day Brain Dump

After our big conversation about how we’re doing, we decided we should check in on one another more frequently. We have a list of questions that we go through with topics ranging from health/wellness to stress and parenting obstacles. It is constructive and helps us to reconnect on the big things. We approach this as a safe zone to talk about anything that is on our minds without emotions running wild.

Tournament Thursday

My husband and I both love a healthy dose of competition. On one of our first dates in high school, I beat him in air hockey…by a lot. He hasn’t lived it down. Now we are more likely to be playing Catan or cards in our pjs with a whiskey. That’s 30 for ya!

Flicks Friday

If we make it past 930pm on a Friday, it is a miracle. So we decided to make Friday as mindless as possible. We also debate who is the biggest movie buff often, so this is another shared interest of ours.

Adventure Saturday

Saturdays are for our family! We like to get our to explore a new part of town, new event, or get one on one time with our children. Anything that is difficult to do throughout the week, falls onto Saturdays.

---

In addition to these daily ways to improve our marriage, we also plan exciting dates monthly. Our big holiday gift to one another was planning 6 months worth of dates. We revealed what we had planned on Christmas day, and booked our childcare. Now we know that we have fun and new adventures to take together that we look forward to all month.

We are only one and a half months into this routine, but we are already reaping the benefits. I personally feel more aware of what is going on in my husband’s life. We have also had fewer spats because we wait until Wednesday to discuss things that are bothering us in a constructive way.

Making small steps daily is far easier than having to make large leaps if your marriage is struggling after having children. So pour the wine and hatch a plan to make your marriage stronger than ever!

What I've Added to My Beauty Routine Since Turning 30

The big 3-0 came and went last year. I wasn’t someone who dreaded it. I oddly looked forward to it.

About 6 months after my birthday, I was looking in the mirror and noticed dark spots. And then some crows feet. And then some big ass wrinkles on my forehead. They all seemingly appeared overnight.

I decided to start trying products to help combat these new additions. I have a goal to be the hot mom when my kids are old enough for that to embarrass them, so I’ve got to start now! I was pregnant with Reese at the time, so I started with a few pregnancy safe products. Once I had Reese and had finished breastfeeding, it was time to call in a few products that are not deemed safe for pregnant or breasfeeding women.

I could spend a long time telling you my full beauty routine - ask my husband. These are just the new products that I have added in the hopes of correcting an issue or covering up an issue.

---

Supergoop! Everyday Sunscreen

I am fair skinned and have a history of skin cancer. I have worn sunscreen more than the average person all my life, but I hadn’t made it a part of my daily routine until I realized that other products I use daily, namely Vitamin C serum, make your skin more susceptible to sun damage.

Let me say this, I am PICKY when it comes to sunscreen. I love this product in particular because it doesn’t leave me feeling oily and it isn’t overly fragranced. I apply and then let it sit for a few minutes before putting make up on top. I haven’t had any issues applying make up over this sunscreen.

Thayer’s Facial Toner

For years I have said the mantra, “Cleanse, Tone, Moisturize,” in my head after washing my face. For some reason I just skipped the tone step. Not anymore!

Toner is meant to balance the pH levels in your skin and clean pores leaving the skin in optimum condition to receive the products that you apply afterwards. Hence why you tone before you moisturize - so the moisturizer can actually penetrate the skin vs. sitting on top of it.

Vitamin E Serum

My initial research into this product consisted of merely seeing that it allegedly reduce the appearance of wrinkles and fine lines. Further research showed that Vitamin E is also an anti-inflammatory, helps improve the skin barrier to pollutants, AND when Vitamin E is used in conjunction with Vitamin C, it can brighten your skin and boost collagen production.

Collagen Peptides

The efficacy of collagen peptides is still up for debate, but in the meantime there seem to be few risks involved. From what I can tell, collagen peptides are made up of the same amino acids as collagen, but it is in a form that your body can more readily absorb. I put one scoop in my coffee daily. I love a heavy pour of creamer, so I really can’t taste it at all anymore.

If this product was just intended to boost elasticity of the skin, I would pass. However, it is also said to improve joint health. As someone with arthritis in my family history, I will do whatever I can to minimize aches and pains so that I can run after my kids for longer.

Olay Retinol 24 Night Moisturizer

Retinol is a form of Vitamin A that is the king of anti aging products. It is powerful stuff, so do your research if you want to try it. I did experience some peeling when I used it a few nights in a row. Now I use it every other night and have no problems.

In addition to preventing wrinkles and brightening the skin, retinol is also supposed to dull dark spots. I gained quite a few dark spots while pregnant so this is appealing to me.

Tarte Shape Tape Concealer

Under eye circles were never a concern to me until I had three kids. I was TIRED. I didn’t fully understand the impact of brightening my under eyes until I used this product. It applies easily ( a little goes a long way) and has major staying power when set with an under eye powder.

elf Highlighting Powder

I bought this on a whim. The glow that it adds is perfect - not glittery. I have had mine for months and it looks like new. Another product where a little goes a long way. And this one is super affordable and available at Target.

---

Having added these products to my routine for at least a few months now, I can honestly say that I feel a difference in my skin. When I wake up in the morning, my skin looks and feels hydrated. The jury is still out on the actual impact on wrinkles, fine lines, and dark spots. I do think that half the battle is how you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror. Using these products makes me feel like a million bucks without any make up on, so that’s worth the expense to me.

Before adding any of these products into your routine, make sure to do your research and consult a professional when necessary.

This post contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means that I may earn a referral fee if you make a purchase through my link without any extra cost to you. Thanks for your support!

Resolution 2019: Presence + Contentment

I am not a big New Year’s Resolution person. There was that one year that I resolved to be nicer to my husband, but then I realized I’m sarcastic and opted out.

In the past, I’ve made resolutions based on appearance and external factors. But this year, I want to make a change for myself and within myself.

I often find myself thinking, '“Oh if Vance was just a little better at X, this would be so easy,” or “If B wasn’t so Y, I’d be able to do so much more.” In a way, I am wishing away my present.

My present, my handsome 2 and 1 year old sons, are perfect. My present is hard, long days with gratitude paid in hugs and requests to read one more book.

Life is about seasons, and I am knee deep in the baby season. I am talking diapers everywhere, crumbs in every crevice, an overwhelming aroma of pee baby season. It’s messy, but it is a gift. A gift that I know so many struggle to achieve.

In 2019, I am going to soak in my present. I am going to enjoy the fact that I get to stay at home with my two small children and watch them grow and learn daily. When the days are long, I am going to take a step back and realize how lucky I am. I am going to savor every moment with them at this age. Because I know that I’m going to blink one day and they’ll be off to college.

So bring it on, 2019 - the potty training, starting preschool, the beginning of more terrible twos. I might be a hot mess throughout the whole thing, but my head will be grateful and my heart will be full.

Merry Christmas to All!

From my family to yours, Merriest of Christmases!

Have a beautiful day with loved ones, and swing back by tomorrow for some

Christmas leftovers recipes!

Simple Self Care During the Busiest Days

Motherhood is a beast. Once we pop those little suckers out, our own self care plummets. I have recently been very bad about giving every last drop of myself to the kids or other commitments until I am burnt out.

I’ve started prioritizing myself in little ways throughout the day that have really improved my mindset during this busy season of our lives (both holidays and having a 2.5 year old and walking 1 year old).

---

Here’s what I recommend:

Wake up [ a smidge ] earlier

Everyone says it, “Wake up before your kids.” Well, no, Paula with the perfect hair in your LuLu Lemon leggings. I like me some sleep, like the hair is a mess lots of drool kind of sleep. I have, however, started trying to wake up just 30 minutes before I used to. My rockstar husband loves to take the kids on a walk in the morning so just those few moments of quiet time are priceless. I write or start laundry or on the weekends spend too much time on my phone. Regardless, its me time. And if I can start the day feeling productive, things go smoother.

Turn the TV on

Call Child Services! On days when Brooks is screaming in protest to the fact that I have to wake his brother up from his nap and Vance has hit his head 100 times while toddling around, you better belief that I turn that TV on so that I can get a second to regroup. Peppa Pig is oddly relaxing. It’s perspective people - Would a crying mess of a mother be better than 30 minutes of a British Pig teaching my kids about the outback?

Develop a hobby outside of the children

As a SAHM, those little monsters are my life. They’re my bosses - if they’re not happy, no one is happy. It wasn’t until a few months ago when I saw myself getting a little lost in motherhood. It was all I could think about. As a woman who would like to get back into the workforce once the kids are bigger, I decided to choose a hobby that could keep my writing and creative skills fresh. Heyyyy blogging.

Don’t sleep with your phone nearby

I started leaving my phone in the bathroom overnight. My sleep has improved ten fold since making that decision. I also like to read right before I go to sleep. It slows my mind to focus on just one thing.

Pamper yourself

As I approach my 30th birthday, skin care has taken on a large part of my beauty routine. I love that feeling when your skin is nourished and feels like butter. Whatever your guilty pleasure is, embrace it. Drink wine and watch trashy TV, have a girls night, eat a tray of brownies in bed. You earned it.

Personal Mantra

I talk a lot of game, but I struggle with feeling like I have done enough for my children everyday. We could have read, worked on shapes, played outside, eaten healthy meals, and kept TV to a minimum, but I still wonder if there is more I could have done to make their day better. I try to repeat phrases that calm me to combat this feeling. Things like “You’re a great mom” or “You did your best today”. As someone who can’t handle the zen nature of yoga or meditation this is about as good as it gets for me.

---

Small steps have made a big difference in my daily mindset. I’ve realized more than ever that having a good day with the boys relies heavily on my mindset. When I’m tired, it is much easier for the kids to get bored and cranky. But if I can start my day on just a little bit better note, everyone is happier. So I take a hot second and give myself a pat on the back. You should too. Motherhood is a beast

Working Through Anxiety as a Parent

When you find out that you’re expecting, you start to wonder what traits you will pass along to your children. I dreamt that I would pass along my attention to detail, work ethic, and ridiculous good looks (Read: sense of humor).

On this first leg of my parenthood voyage, I have realized that while I do pass things on to the kids, they also create new qualities within me. The most evident has been the escalation of my anxiety.

I have always had anxiety. As a child I obsessed over throwing up when I went out in public. I always thought it was just silly kid stuff, but now I know better. I eventually grew out of that around 5th grade, and just moved into typical nervous behavior.

Recently, however my anxiety has been raging. I think the recent spike has several causes.

First, modern day’s prevalence of violence, mostly against women and children, is shocking. It seems like every week I turn on the TV and hear about a shooting, murder, rape, etc. The constant reminder of this behavior in my own community is jarring.

For example, Tampa has a large human trafficking problem. According to the Florida Dream Center, which provides care to victims of trafficking, 80% of victims are women and up to 50% are children. In addition, “human trafficking is the fastest growing and 3rd largest organized criminal activity, behind only drug and arms trade.”

There have been reports of men videotaping, following, and trying to grab people at malls and grocery stores that I frequent. Reportedly, they have accomplices who wait in unmarked vans in the parking lot.

Secondly, the fact that I no longer have to worry about just myself but also the well being of my little people is overwhelming. I know that if I were to be approached or someone were to pull a gun at the movies, I can run. I can hide quietly. I can fight back. However, when I have my little people, I can’t do those things without leaving them alone. I couldn’t fight off an attacker and manage the stroller at the same time. If I were to have to hide my kids, they wouldn’t keep quiet. They wouldn’t understand.

So now that my concerns are out there, what am I doing to keep this anxiety in check?

---

Mindfulness

It is easy for me to spiral. What if someone were to come in here with a gun? What if someone approaches my kids? I try to be very aware of when the “what ifs” are getting the better of me. When that happens, I try to take a step back and rationally think through more likely scenarios than “what ifs”.

Having a Plan

When I feel my heart rate rising, I think of a contingency plan in case my greatest fears were to occur. Typically, that includes being aware of exits at all times, making direct eye contact with strangers, and making sure that others know where I am all the time.

Treatment

I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel like I need medication or a therapist, but I am 100% open to that. I think that realizing there is an issue and seeking treatment is the smart and courageous thing to do. No shame in that game, playa.

Breathing Techniques

Ask my husband, and he will tell you that I called Lamaze bullshit within the first few minutes. However, I do some intentional breathing when I am having trouble sleeping. It does chill me out. It can be hard to actually focus on your breathing with toddlers in tow, but if possible I do this in public. Sometimes that means grabbing the iPad and turning on Netflix, but that doesn’t make me a bad mom.

Take Action Against Triggers

The largest trigger for me is gun violence. Pretty much every type of place that I frequent has been victim to shootings - movie theaters, malls, groceries, gyms, schools, churches. I literally do not go a day without thinking, “What if a gunman walks in here?” Once I realized that this was the trigger, I got involved with Moms Demand Action and Everytown for Gun Safety.

---

I have noticed recently that the anxiety that I feel is starting to get in the way of my typical daily activities. For example, I am extremely uncomfortable setting foot in any house of worship nowadays. We used to go every weekend as a family, but the thought of someone barging into church while my family and I are sitting ducks is overwhelming, so I just avoid it.

It’s hard to explain this to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety. I often try to explain my emotions to my husband who is all logic, and he just can’t understand it. He tells me to think about the odds of something bad happening. But all I can think is that the parents in Sandy Hook or the clubgoers in Orlando might have thought the same thing, “It couldn’t happen to me.” But it did. And it continues to happen.

Hopefully, I will overcome these anxieties in the future. I try not to let me kids see when I am worried about our safety in the hopes that they will be as chill as their dad. I work on it everyday.

I also hope that this worrisome behavior does rub off on them a little bit. I want them to see that I am thinking through any situation that we are in. But, I don’t want them to know the extent to which I am seeking out exit signs and hiding spots.

I do, however, want them to be thoughtful decision makers. I want them to think through the consequences of their actions and anticipate the reaction. So maybe that is the silver lining. Maybe that is what I will pass along to my children.

Self Care Tips for the Fourth Trimester

Those first months of motherhood can be isolating. Your hormones are going crazy. Your body is changing dramatically once again, and now you’re expected to take care of your precious newborn. Odds are that your partner (especially if that partner is your typical dude), won’t understand what you’re going through - the pressure to be the perfect mom combined with the pain of recovery.

Don’t get bogged down by the pressure. Even in those days when you’re waking every few hours at night and then getting up bleary-eyed, remember your importance. You’re the one who sustained this life in your body. You can do it now that your baby is earthside. No one can take care of that baby the way you can, but first you need to practice good self care.

I believe that overall wellness relies on three steps - rest, release, rejuvenate. I’m not sure every new mom can (or should) squeeze all three in everyday, but focus on one to start.

Rest - If possible, sleep of course. But if that doesn’t work, find what recharges you. But I have seen even the most avid “Oh, I don’t nap,” people turn into nappers during the newborn stage.

Release - This step is all about getting rid of whatever toxic thoughts you may have. Exercise and meditation are two ways to set your mind straight.

Rejuvenate - The fun step! This is doing what makes you YOU! Whether you’re a writer, a reader, or skincare enthusiast, make time to remember that in addition to a mom you’re also the same woman you were 9 months ago.

Here are some simple ways to take care of yourself that are easy to forget in the fourth trimester when you aren’t necessarily physically or emotionally ready to get back to all the things that you love!

---

Sleep

Could I be more cliche? But seriously, sleep is so critical. It has been shown that sleep deprivation past a certain point has the same effects on your body as alcohol does. You wouldn’t be taking care of your baby after a tequila bender would you?

You likely won’t get the quality or amount of sleep as before, but don’t be afraid to ask your partner to take over so that you can nap. In addition to the exhaustion, your body also needs to heal and does so when resting.

Nutrition

It’s so easy to order pizza or run through a drive thru, but you will feel so much worse. Stock the pantry with healthy options and keep on getting those fresh fruits and veggies in! I prepared a bunch of healthy crockpot starter kits that I froze before I had my first son. It was simple, and it felt like we had an actual dinner instead of just questionable burgers out of a greasy bag.

If that’s not possible, keep taking your vitamins - especially you nursing mommas!

Also, stay hydrated. Sometimes drinking water perks me up even more than a coffee does. Sometimes. Not all the time. Let’s not go crazy.

Stretch

I am far from a yoga lover. I’m the one in the back rolling my eyes and thinking about my to-do list when I should be centering myself. But I do think that stretching, particularly right when I wake up, gets my body ready for the day.

I literally roll out of bed and right onto the floor. I also find that I can think about the day ahead more clearly at this point. Check out these simple stretches for beginners and Beauty and the Beat blog for more in depth details about yoga and motherhood.

Get outside

Again, I typically roll my eyes when someone (usually my husband) says take a second and get some fresh air and sunshine. But, as a new mom I loved taking my little ones for walks. It was the perfect way to get outside and also start getting back into a fitness routine. Plus, usually babies are soothed by the ride which means a few minutes of peace and quiet for you!

Take a route that has a bench or two so that you can take a breather or nurse easily.

Decultter

My favorite! When my house is cluttered, my mind is cluttered. There are so many things going on in the fourth trimester, that any additional clutter is too much. Pick one room, cabinet, closet and purge. Get rid of anything that is unjustifiably taking up too much space. This is also a great way to get you back into a fitness routine. Or is it just me who breaks a sweat decluttering?

Remember what you used to love + do it

I love morning quiet time. It let’s me do whatever it is that I want that day. Like today, I’m writing. Yesterday, I was meal planning. Yes, I do enjoy meal planning.

We have worked our schedule so that my husband takes the babies on a walk in the morning so that I have a second to breath. It’s great for me, and it gets all the boys outside everyday.

Have conversations about something other than kids

It can seem like you a now defined by this precious baby. Plus you want to show them off to anyone who will listen, but don’t forget that you have interests outside of that. Even if it’s just talking to the barista about the newest blend, focus on talking about what interests you outside of your child.

Morning and nighttime beauty routine

I am not one of those girls who feels compelled to put on a full face of makeup everyday. I do love a good skincare routine though. I have found that just a quick routine of a few product in the morning and evening right before bed relaxes me. My morning routine has fresh scents and Vitamin C to wake me up and my nighttime routine has more creams and oils to wind me down.

Take a long shower

Girl you stink, take a bath. No one wants to say it because you’re a raging hormonal mother, but take a long shower. Not only will it instantly rejuvenate you, but it also is the perfect excuse. “Sorry, honey, I can’t get the baby right now. Will you check on him?” Boom.

Check out

Sometimes, you just have to separate yourself from it all. The fourth trimester has by far been the most overwhelming season in my life. There is someone new in the family who constantly relies on you for everything, and that can be really jarring. When you feel that overwhelm bubbling up, schedule child care and get out. Go wander Target and enjoy the fact that all the screaming kids there aren’t yours.

---

Tips to get it done

Schedule it

If your life is run by your calendar, then plan it. I have the gym scheduled three days a week every week. I know that it is time for myself that I get to look forward to, and my husband will plan his work day around it.

Prioritize yourself

It sounds so simple, but it’s so difficult. I can tell you from experience - when you try to have it all, you will get burned out. Remember that in order to properly take the best care of your child, you need to take the best care of yourself. Build a community that will help you do that - friends who will talk to you about The Bachelor and trusted neighbors who can babysit.

Don’t feel guilty

The hardest step. You think you will miss something or that you SHOULD be with your child. The best way to overcome guilt is to talk about it. I always tell my husband when I’m feeling guilty about doing something for myself, and he talks me down.

3 Essentials to My Wellness Routine

Motherhood is full of seasons - newborn months, crawling months, walking, etc.  With each development my little ones have, my daily routine changes drastically.  Through my mom guilt and tired eyes, I always try to make time for myself.  I constantly fall back on three words when creating a wellness routine that fits into the current season - rest, release, rejuvenate. 

Rest

Before children, I was a huge napper - almost daily.  I could fall asleep quickly, sleep for hours, and repeat.  That was back when my days were filled with work and worrying about what I would eat for dinner.  Now that I am following two little people around constantly picking up things that they could put in their mouths, wiping noses, and changing diapers, my definition of rest has evolved.  If I can get 30 minutes to sit and be at peace knowing whoever is watching my boys is capable, I'm happy.  If I can actually get a nap, I'm escatic.  Perspective. 

Here's some ideas on rest:

• Watching your favorite show (binge something if you're lucky!) 

• Read a chapter of a book 

• Paint your nails 

• Do a face mask 

RELEASE

I only realized the need for release after babies, when stress and anxiety were at an all time high for me.  The best way for me to release is exercise.  I love OrangeTheory.  I rowed in high school, and I love that OTF includes a rower in their workouts.  Plus, I know the class is one hour and will kick my ass.  And they charge a late cancellation fee for each class, so I'm finanacially motivated as well.

Some more ideas for release: 

• Yoga

• Walk the dog 

• Meditation 

REJUVENATE

This is the most personal essential to my wellness routines.  This is the step where you determine what genuinely makes you whole.  What is it that you would do even if you weren't paid?  For me, it is writing.  In the past, it has been baking, making lists, or calligraphy.  

Rejuvenation might look like this to you: 

• Journaling

• Drawing 

• Cooking 

• Design 

It's so easy to lose yourself when you're constantly prioritizing others over yourself.  I have found that my own well being is paramount for my family's well being.  If I don't take the time to remember who I am, I can't be my best self for my boys.  

Dry Shampoo Trials

This post contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means that I may earn a referral fee if you make a purchase through my link without any extra cost to you. Thanks for your support!

Let me start by saying that as a teenager, I would wash my hair multiples times a day.  I don't know why.  And on the rare occassion that I didn't overwash my locks, I was using baby powder as my 'dry shampoo'.  I was always fine with that because I have always been really blond.  Except for that one misguided time when I dyed my hair red.  Anyway, the white baby powder blended fine and the static that I accumulated wasn't a big deal.  

Flash forward ten years and hot dog! There are oodles of options out there.  I've been testing 5 out since early this year - Bumble and Bumble, Living Proof, Amika, Batiste, and Dry Bar.  I ranked them on the following criteria to establish one end-all, be-all for dry shampoo! 

SCENT 

OIL ABSORPTION

RESIDUE 

PRICE POINT

OVERALL

BUMBLE & BUMBLE

Scent: Pleasantly perfumey. I'd happily smell like that all day.

Oil Absorption: Not great.  I felt like it left me looking like I still had dirty roots if I held it just a bit too close when spraying.

Residue: None

Price Point: $29.00 for 3oz....what?!

Overall: You can put all the pink clay you want in there, I'm not spending that much. 

LIVING PROOF

Scent : Whoa.  Fragrant. My husband actually like the scent, but if I put it on at any time other than right before bed, it will give me a headache.  It smells good, but too much. 

Oil Absorption: Great.  Looked like new again.

Residue: Zero

Price Point: $23.00 for 4oz.  

Overall:  If this was a notch less perfumey and cheaper, I would buy stock.  It is supposed to '"deliver a fresh scent throughout the day," so if your nose is less sensitive and your wallet is fatter, go get it!

AMIKA

Scent: Unoffesive

Oil Absorption: Absorbed.  Not enough for it to work for multiple days in a row.

Residue : None

Price Point:  $25.00 for 5.3oz

Overall: This hurt my nose and head far less than most of the others.  I felt like its performance was just average.  I won't be paying $25 for it, but if its a free sample, I'd go back for more. 

BATISTE

Scent: The most mild

Oil Absorption: Two thumbs up

Residue: Yes, lots

Price Point: $5 for 6.8oz

Synopsis: If you're ok with residue that you have to work in a bit, this is your jam.  I also never feel like I can spray too much because the scent is very mild.  If I need more, I spray more without hesititation.  Which is good. I usually need more. 

DETOX DRY SHAMPOO BY DRYBAR (ORIGINAL SCENT)

Scent : Synthetic, I felt like I was in a dry shampoo factory.

Oil Absorption: Great

Residue: None

Price Point: $23 for 3.5oz

Synopsis: The initial scent is strong, but once you’ve sprayed it it dissipates quickly. Works great, but again expensive.

THE VERDICT

Here’s what I learned: My hair must really stink when I need dry shampoo. This stuff is pretty much always potent. In terms of oil absorption, all but one (Bumble & Bumble) really brought their A game.

So with oil absorption being relatively consistent, the game changers became scent and price point. I might have a heightened sensitivity to smells post babies, but I think anyone would be on their way to a proper migraine using Living Proof too much.

That brought it down to Batiste, Amika, and Dry Bar. Dry Bar is far more expensive than the other two, and my least favorite scent so they’re out. Being a mother who appreciates a deal and doesn’t have time to make a trip to Sephora frequently, Batiste’s low price point and availability at drug stores, grocery stores, and Amazon make it my winner! I don’t mind rubbing in a bit more residue when it smells so nice and doesn’t put me into debt.

Here is the final ranking:

1. BATISTE

2. DRY BAR

3. AMIKA

4. LIVING PROOF

5. BUMBLE AND BUMBLE

Which do you prefer? Got others that I should try? Let me know in the comments!