Tips to Avoid Burnout as a SAHM — That Millennial Momma

The dog days of summer are when inklings of motherhood burnout can start creeping in quickly- just like those bugs that all the summer rain brings. If you have little kids, they are constantly looking for the next great activity or game or book. I imagine older kids are just filling the house with their angst and body odor, but I can’t really attest to that (yet).

As a stay at home mom still observing pretty strict quarantine recommendations, it can be overwhelming. Finding time for self care is reserved for stolen minutes when the kids are napping or post bedtime when I am exhausted from the day.

This is a recipe for burnout - a complete state of exhaustion caused by an inability to meet constant demands. And let me tell ya, those kids can be demanding!

Just last week, I was consumed by anxiety and exhaustion. It started as physical exhaustion and thinking that I just needed a nap. Then it progressed into mental fogginess and an inability to concentrate. The last straw was when my 4 year old came out from his nap and asked if I was mad at him. (Cue the rush of mom guilt and tears.)

In moments like this, I think back to my self care checklist to see if there is something I could do. And what do you know?! I had been completely neglecting the things that give me some solace.

After realizing this, I wanted to offer up my list to all my readers in the hope that you too can avoid the symptoms of mom burnout.

From my years as a SAHM, this is the list of ways that I have compiled to avoid burnout.

Find something that challenges you as an individual, not as a mom

The thing that really gets my mind working is writing and creating content on various platforms. I also like getting lost in a good book or debating various topics with my husband.

I have also taken on volunteer leadership roles for nonprofits in an event planning capacity in the past. This is a great way to build up your resume if you plan on going back to work in the future. (Check out this post about staying relevant to corporate America as a SAHM for more tips.)

Embrace help

This one is also hard since we are still limiting the people who come into our home. I know that it can feel like a failure to say that you need help to care for the family that you created, but everyone needs a break.

I rarely let an offer by someone to pick up my grocery order or take out dinner go by without taking advantage of it. Just remember to return the favor when you can.

Exercise

As I have aged (did I really just say that?), I’ve realized that exercise is as much for my mental health as my physical. It isn’t always easy to find the time, but I have to prioritize it or I notice a mental decline within a few days. Science, man.

I am still not comfortable going to the gym yet, but I have made do with an exercise mat and a set of adjustable weights in my garage. I’ve also been running or riding a bike to get my heart rate up.

And in the last few weeks, yard work has become a workout. The transformation is complete - I have become my parents. I keep in mind that this is a great way to break a sweat, but working in the yard is not going to reap the same benefits as a true workout session.

Look forward to something weekly - have a goal to make it to that event

I have explained before how my husband and I have a weekly routine to check in on the things that we prioritize. One of my favorite days of the week is Tuesday - Treat Yo Self Tuesday. When I have enough energy, I like to paint my nails and work on my blog. On the other hand, there have been plenty of times when I am just too tired, so I turn on Schitt’s Creek and eat some cake. I don’t feel like I’m neglecting my husband because alone time is scheduled.

Talk to your partner when you feel it coming, talk to a mental health professional if needed

Just like Tuesday is dedicated to self care, Wednesday is dedicated to our mutual brain dump. We talk about our relationship, parenting, work, and what kind of help we need. This has proven to be a great way to stay ahead of the burnout. When we feel something creeping up, we talk about it before it gets blown into a big deal.

If you don’t have a supportive partner, speak to a mental health professional. Talkspace is an app that assesses you, matches you with a mental health provider, and then you can schedule therapy. Buyer beware - it is not free but insurance coverage appears to be an option.

Quarterly mental health holiday

Recently, we instituted mental health holidays where we can take as long as we need (up to a full weekend) to get away. I’m planning on heading to our beach condo for the weekend soon as a way to recover from mom burnout, and my husband will likely take his laptop and go work on stuff for a full day (apparently that is what his version of a mental break looks like). The other parent handles the home and kids and leaves the retreater alone. And when the retreater arrives home, there is not resentment since it was previously agreed upon.

These 6 things have kept me ahead of burnout when I make sure to do them. Before instituting all of these regularly, I was feeling burnt out nearly weekly. Hey, 3 kids aint no joke!

The two biggest keys here are honesty and communication. Assessing my mental health and recognizing that I’m on the brink of burnout is vital. Knowing that I can share that info with my husband without being judged is the next step. He will usually push me the rest of the way.

If you’re unsure if what you’re feeling could be burnout, check out this quiz and some more great tips to recovering from mom burnout!