Resolution 2019: Presence + Contentment

I am not a big New Year’s Resolution person. There was that one year that I resolved to be nicer to my husband, but then I realized I’m sarcastic and opted out.

In the past, I’ve made resolutions based on appearance and external factors. But this year, I want to make a change for myself and within myself.

I often find myself thinking, '“Oh if Vance was just a little better at X, this would be so easy,” or “If B wasn’t so Y, I’d be able to do so much more.” In a way, I am wishing away my present.

My present, my handsome 2 and 1 year old sons, are perfect. My present is hard, long days with gratitude paid in hugs and requests to read one more book.

Life is about seasons, and I am knee deep in the baby season. I am talking diapers everywhere, crumbs in every crevice, an overwhelming aroma of pee baby season. It’s messy, but it is a gift. A gift that I know so many struggle to achieve.

In 2019, I am going to soak in my present. I am going to enjoy the fact that I get to stay at home with my two small children and watch them grow and learn daily. When the days are long, I am going to take a step back and realize how lucky I am. I am going to savor every moment with them at this age. Because I know that I’m going to blink one day and they’ll be off to college.

So bring it on, 2019 - the potty training, starting preschool, the beginning of more terrible twos. I might be a hot mess throughout the whole thing, but my head will be grateful and my heart will be full.