How I'm Prioritizing My Marriage This Year
/Let me start by saying that my husband came up with this idea. He’s the brains here. I am just writing about it.
Now that that nonsense is out of the way, let’s get down to it. Marriage is hard enough. People grow and change, and people growing and changing at the same pace and towards the same endpoint is extremely difficult to maintain on its own. Throw a gaggle of children in the mix, and it becomes ten times harder.
Towards the end of last year, we were brainstorming goals. One of those goals was to maintain and hopefully strengthen our marriage. Idea wise that sounds great, but we had to figure out a way to execute it.
Our first step was to sit down and have an open conservation about where we are now - our starting point. We discussed our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles, and the things that we care about both as a couple and individually. This alone is a great exercise to do with your partner. Grab a glass of wine and talk about the big stuff.
From this discussion, we learned plenty about ourselves, our partner’s perspective on things, and our relationship. Our big takeaways were that we need to dedicate time to sitting down and communicating effectively more often, we enjoy our alone time, and we value the time that we get to spend together, with our immediate family, and with our extended family more than anything. We also learned that our biggest stressor was money - what we have, what we want to do with it, planning for the future, investments, budgets, all of it.
With this information in hand, a plan was hatched. Each day of the week is now dedicated to one of our big takeaways. Our week now looks like this….
Sunday Suppers
We are beyond blessed to have all our children’s grandparents within a ten minute drive of us. We know this is a luxury that so many don’t have, and we don’t want to waste it. We started inviting all the grandparents over for dinners on Sunday. The kids have a ball, we enjoy a great meal, and we get to spend time with our special people.
Money Monday
Nothing says “Ugh, its Monday” like having a budget meeting amiright?! It’s our biggest stressor, so it got its own day. Over the weekend, I update our budget and gather up all the things that we have upcoming that will cost us. My husband brings any updates about investments, business, etc. Honestly, having a conversation like this weekly has really helped minimize my stress. I know where we stand, what we are working towards, and how we will get there.
Treat Yo Self Tuesday
I especially enjoy alone time - hey introverts! I usually take this time to catch up on writing, paint my nails, or honestly go to bed early. We have found that if we are on top of each other constantly, we argue more. This gives us a nice little buffer when needed.
Hump Day Brain Dump
After our big conversation about how we’re doing, we decided we should check in on one another more frequently. We have a list of questions that we go through with topics ranging from health/wellness to stress and parenting obstacles. It is constructive and helps us to reconnect on the big things. We approach this as a safe zone to talk about anything that is on our minds without emotions running wild.
Tournament Thursday
My husband and I both love a healthy dose of competition. On one of our first dates in high school, I beat him in air hockey…by a lot. He hasn’t lived it down. Now we are more likely to be playing Catan or cards in our pjs with a whiskey. That’s 30 for ya!
Flicks Friday
If we make it past 930pm on a Friday, it is a miracle. So we decided to make Friday as mindless as possible. We also debate who is the biggest movie buff often, so this is another shared interest of ours.
Adventure Saturday
Saturdays are for our family! We like to get our to explore a new part of town, new event, or get one on one time with our children. Anything that is difficult to do throughout the week, falls onto Saturdays.
In addition to these daily ways to improve our marriage, we also plan exciting dates monthly. Our big holiday gift to one another was planning 6 months worth of dates. We revealed what we had planned on Christmas day, and booked our childcare. Now we know that we have fun and new adventures to take together that we look forward to all month.
We are only one and a half months into this routine, but we are already reaping the benefits. I personally feel more aware of what is going on in my husband’s life. We have also had fewer spats because we wait until Wednesday to discuss things that are bothering us in a constructive way.
Making small steps daily is far easier than having to make large leaps if your marriage is struggling after having children. So pour the wine and hatch a plan to make your marriage stronger than ever!
