3 Things I've Learned About Marriage Since Being Quarantined with My Husband
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Remember those courting years when you would anxiously await a call or text back from your boyfriend? When you were so nervous about your dates that you didn’t eat all afternoon and then by the time your date came around you scarfed down a huge burger instead of the salad that you had planned to delicately eat half of?
Well, shit has changed.
Now that person is 15 ft away from you at the most. You overhear their conference calls and he’s the “let’s circle back to this conversation” type. He also likes to set the AC up really high during the day and eat that last cookie that you’ve been eyeing when he takes his lunch break conveniently timed while you’re putting the kids down for a nap.
I know it can be hard to cultivate connection when you and your partner become parents. (Here’s my post on how we maintain our marriage when there isn’t a global pandemic.) But add on the uncertainty of a global pandemic, kids homeschooling, trying to keep up with your personal fitness, etc. and your marriage is likely to fall to the wayside.
After a few weeks of quarantine with my husband, we noticed that we were both getting on each other’s nerves easily. Much more easily than before.
While out on one of my “if I don’t get out of this house soon, I’m gonna lose it” runs, I realized that there are three concepts that I could prioritize to strengthen our marriage now and for the future.
No one can read minds.
I got mad at my husband at one point for starting the laundry too soon. I had planned on washing our son’s sheets first so that they would be ready for his nap, but I never told my husband. How was he to know? He was doing what he thought was right. He had no clue what my plans were, so I had no right to get irritated.
Before you blow a gasket, think to yourself, “Am I expecting him to just know XYZ or did I tell him.” If the answer is that you told him 19 times, by all means blow that gasket away. Otherwise, reconsider.
Never let open communication halt
In my experience, once you stop talking, things snowball. Emotions get pent up and at some time everyone reaches a boiling point. And once you reach that boiling point, a calm and thoughtful conversation is bulldozed by a firestorm of negativity. Even if the conversations are uncomfortable, keep having them.
Apologizing is a strength
I am still working through this. I do not like being wrong. But I am also aware that I have a temper. And sometimes I let the temper win and say something hurtful. I also tend to overreact. (Don’t I sound like a fun person to be around?!) I’ve realized that the sooner I realize the fault in my ways and my partner’s motivations for his actions, the sooner we can get back to normal.
You’re entitled to feel however you’re feeling, but don’t refuse to apologize so that you can “win” the argument.
I by no means think that I have the perfect relationship. But I am an imperfect person in a relationship with an imperfect person during a global pandemic. We’re choosing to learn and grow together during this time, and prioritizing those three concepts is helping me do that.
What are you learning about your partner while quarantined? What is helping your relationship flourish through this time? Share in the comments!