How I'm Approaching Traditions as a Parent of Young Kids
/Fresh off the holiday season, I am take a step back to reconsider how I am going to approach traditions with my family moving forward. In this Pinterest-Instagram-centric age, it seems like we are all under so much pressure to make everyone’s moments picture perfect. Not to mention the pressure to capture that perfect moment on camera.
When I was knee deep in hand made Halloween costumes, faux fall leaves for crafting, and tinsel, I listened to an episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast titled Ten Steps to Creating Your Own Traditions that really got me thinking. I had put so much pressure on myself to make the holiday season unforgettable for my 2 and 3 year old. But let’s face it - they aren’t going to remember anything specific right now! If I’m lucky, they will remember the cozy feeling the house had at that time of the year. And really I can’t ask for much more than that.
For Brooks’ 3rd bday we took him to Disney World by himself. It was great. Lots of alone time, and we felt that was the perfect age to do it. So, it has become tradition! When Vance and Reese turn 3, they will get to go on solo trips to Disney if they want.
I decided that I would approach 2020 differently. I decided that I will not put so much pressure on myself to make each moment Pinterest perfect. To embrace the chaos and our season of life. And most importantly, if I do decide to put any pressure on myself, I will pressure myself to create a cozy, loving, fun environment that the kids remember rather than the perfectly decorated Christmas tree.
With that on my mind and with the ten steps from The Lazy Genius fresh, I have laid the foundation upon which we will be building traditions moving forward. The first step is auditing our current traditions.
I think about the things that have been handed down as traditions. Do they still matter or am I just doing them because it was important to someone else ? If it feels unrelatable or more like an obligation than a tradition, I ditch it.
Once I have a better idea which traditions are important to our family, I ask myself the following questions about each individual tradition.
How does it make us feel?
Are we always frazzled when we do this? Or do we all really enjoy it? Do we feel more connected as a family afterwards? Can we laugh about it? Would we remember it for good reasons?
Do we look forward to it?
I want the kids to look forward to things with excitement vs dread. Going into something with a bad attitude sets it up for failure. I don’t mean the “I refused to nap or eat breakfast” kind of bad attitude. I mean the “I really hate that I am subjected to this” kind of attitude.
Can it be sustained?
In order for something to be a tradition, it needs to be something that we can continue to do long term. Make sure to manage expectations appropriately. Going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve used to be a tradition for us before we had children. Now that is just out of the question with 3 kids under 4. But, a new tradition of making it to Mass as a family is far more sustainable.
Now, let’s talk practically. It all sounds great until there is a nip in the air and we are thrown back into the whirlwind of holidays again. In order to avoid that, I am preparing now. Here’s what I do now to avoid the headache for future Jess.
Make a list of all traditions for all holidays, birthdays, celebrations, etc.
Ask myself the three questions above. Ask my husband the three questions above. Ask my kids the simplistic version of the questions above - How does it make you feel? Do you like it? Do you want to do it again?
For anything that we decide to try as a tradition, schedule it. Or at least make note of it for the month in which we hope to do it.
Brooks’ one year birthday celebration
As an example, my favorite tradition that my household does is write letters for each child’s first birthday that they will open on their 18th birthday. I sob every time I write one. You can read more about that here - the tradition, not the sobbing. Here is how I would apply the steps above:
Tradition: Birthday Letter Writing
How does it make us feel? Even though I ugly cry through the entire writing process, they are happy tears. I am so proud of my tiny one year olds, and I love imagining what they will become based on what they are at such a young age.
Do we look forward to it? With my whole heart
Can it be sustained? As long as I’ve got fingers and a one year old, yep.
Practical Application: Reese will be one in late September 2020, so I will write on my September monthly view in my Simplified Planner: Write Reese’s one year letter. Since it is hard to know what my days will look like at that time of the year, monthly view is good enough at this point.
I also know that I will need to order a glass box that the letters will be collected in at her birthday celebration and then live in until her 18th birthday. I will write on my August to do list to order said box. That Type A enough for ya?
If you’re looking to apply this to your household, I really challenge you to dig deep and determine what matters to your family. Be realistic, manage expectations, and embrace your season of life.
