How to Teach Kids About Giving Back
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If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that I have so much for which I am grateful - health, the ability to see grandparents (if from a distance), the ability to keep my kids home for a year of homeschooling, Zoom video conferencing, access to doctors, warm food and the list goes on and on.
It is extremely important to us that we instill a sense of gratitude and giving in our children. 2020 has made us so aware that there are people who are not treated the same, marginalized, and just generally overlooked. I will not be raising children who continue those trends. Learning a true spirit of giving is the first step in that evolution.
How do you explain generosity to a child?
I have found that there are two good ways to show children the spirit of giving - praising them for generous behavior and modeling generous behavior yourself.
I try to praise my kids when I see them sharing, giving, and generally caring for their friends and family. I also rarely tell my kids that they should give something or force them to share. I try to lead the conversation in a way that makes them come up with the generous idea. I might say something like “Well, you and your brother both want to play with this toy. What might be a kind way to solve this problem?” Hopefully, at that point they will come to the conclusion that they should share or let the other person play with the toy and then they can play afterwards.
It is important to note that these realizations won’t come immediately. When you start this tactic, you will likely see that your child cries and screams that they want to play with the toy and the other child is mean or took it. This is a process - help them calm themselves and validate their feelings first. Then have a discussion. Even if the resolution isn’t the most generous, realizing that their actions impact the other person, and then that their actions could make the other person happy is the goal.
Forcing generous behavior or any act (like apologizing or hugging) is a no go in our home. We try to lead the conversation to a good spot, but the resulting action is always the kids’ idea. I got this idea from the Raising Good Humans podcast which I highly recommend to all parents.
We model generous behavior in a few ways that the kids see regularly. Most notably, they recognize when we are donating things from the piles of goodies stacked high around the house. We also make sure that the kids see us using our time to help others. For example, if the kids want their dad to come play with them while he is switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer, he will be sure to say something about how his actions now will help me in the future.
Finally, we ALWAYS use our manners. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are typically the first few words that our kids say, and that generally comes from them hearing it so frequently. Acknowledging that others help you or give you something is a great first step in understanding generosity.
How do you talk to kids about charity?
Gratitude is exceptionally important to us. My children don’t know how lucky they are to have warm meals and a cozy home with TV and all the love they can imagine. I have found that the easiest way to teach my kids in a way that resonates with them is to relate the situation to them personally.
For example, if I were to see my child enjoying playing with a toy truck, I might ask them about what they like about the truck. Or I might ask what they like about playing with the truck. Once I get what is sure to be a lengthy answer, I ask them if they know that there are children just like them who don’t have any toys.
In a perfect world, they would have an “a-ha” moment where they realize that we should try to help those kids because we have many trucks. But I would likely have to lead the conversation to “Hey, we have a lot of trucks. Do you think those kids might like to play with some of yours?”
My kids are already very familiar with the term “donation”. But if that were not the case, this would be the time when I would explain that we can donate our items to others, meaning that we give those items with no expectation of money in return.
If that concept seems a little over their head, try again to relate it back to them. “Do you remember how we have to pay for our toys at the store? Well, a donation means we don’t have to exchange money like at the store. We just give.”
This same conversation could happen many times - when you are cozy snuggling reading a book (donate old books) or enjoying a warm meal (donate canned goods). Relate the giving to something that your kids experience daily and might unknowingly take for granted.
Kids Angel Giving Tree
Typically around this time of year, I would like to show my children first hand the spirit of giving. In the past, my family has been supporters of organizations that place Christmas trees in their offices with children or families in need on paper angels. Since we won’t be visiting any of the typical places with these trees, I opted to make one in our home.
I asked my family and friends to give me a list of charitable organizations that are meaningful to them. From that list, I researched the organizations’ missions. I translated the mission statements into terms that my 4 year old could really understand. For example, the Humane Society gives shelter and care to animals with no where to go.
I tried to choose organizations that my kids would be able to relate to in terms of people needing something that they have plenty of. For example, Feeding America because the kids have warm meals and snacks daily or Habitat for Humanity because the kids have a home to keep them safe.
I typed the basic mission statements on angels that I then cut out and placed on the small Christmas tree that we set up in their classroom. Every week until Christmas, we will discuss a different organization (or a few!) and who they help. Then I will guide the kids on how we can help those people too - that might mean donating some of their own toys, taking food from our pantry to give, or giving monetary donations.
I will try my best to avoid monetary donations as those can be hard for a child to understand since they don’t see an actual exchange of items. But if that is the only option for whatever reason, I would bring them to the computer and show them the website and who they are helping, my credit card (they can help read the numbers), etc. so that they see it in the works.
Once the holiday season has ended, this will be a topic that we will continue to revisit, just without a tree as a reminder. When we have too many toys in January, we will discuss who might like to play with them. And when the weather gets cold and we run inside for warmth, we will discuss how we can help people who might not have a home to shelter them. Intertwining the spirit of giving in everyday conversation at this age will help to foster a genuine generosity as the kids grow.